Just A Nightmare?
by MadSmurf
Summary: Don’t wanna, but do wanna. He is happy. He should feel my pain. I love him. I want him. But don’t want him. Its bad for an older brother to feel what I am feeling.
1. Chapter 1

_**The funny thing about common sense is that it isn't all that common.**_

_Don't wanna, but do wanna. He is happy. He should feel my pain. I love him. I want him. But don't want him. Its bad for an older brother to feel what I am feeling. But he is so innocent. His brown eyes always watching. I hate him for it. He flaunts himself without realizing. Tempting me. Tempting my restraint. His soft and caring voice was repeating the same word no matter what "Brother, Brother" Disgusting. I want to take him for my own…_

Edward Elric turned as the door opened. A young lady in her early thirties appeared in the doorway. Long brown hair flowed past her shoulders tied in a loose ponytail. Her soft brown eyes looked sad. "Hey baby. You alright?" her voice thick with concern. He nodded, smiling.

He looked past his mother and saw a girl his age. _Winry. _She had long brown hair. Light blue eyes stared at him. He smiled. Trisha watched the exchange, carefully examining her eldest son. _Pretty…_Alphonse was behind the girl. _Innocent want him…_Edward smiled at both. Trisha moved away from the door and the two other teenagers walked in Edward's vast room, decorated in black. The girl just stood there. _So quiet…weakness…so very pretty just like Allie. _

Alphonse smiled. "This is Ruth. She is an exchange student from Australia. And she doesn't have kangaroos in her backyard." he giggled.

_Stop being so innocent Allie. Stop it. Stop flaunting. Stop testing. I will hurt. Stop looking. Stop! Stop!!_

Edward's eyes were bright. Alphonse watched carefully, standing next to Ruth. "She is very nice Brother"

_There is that word. I hate you. Stop it! She is pretty. Innocent…none at all…all gone…_

Ruth had no expression on her face as she said "Hello"

Edward smiled. "Hello" _Such a soft voice…so innocent…Allie who have you brought home…_

Alphonse smiled brightly. "She is going to stay with us for a while. Her parents requested her to take a break."

_Fathers are complete bastards…they should all die…how fun…_

Ruth moved to the window and stared out of it, emotionless. Alphonse watched carefully. He didn't know what to expect. Would his brother get along or attempt to beat her life away like he had done to so many others. Or would he like her and consider her a friend? Edward smiled at Alphonse. He smiled back, uncertain.

_Innocence is such a beautifully corrupted thing. Stop it Allie. Stop being so innocent you silly little boy._

Edward giggled. Alphonse tensed slightly. Ruth continued to stare out the window oblivious to the whole thing. Edward giggled again, then cackled insanely. Alphonse watched with caution. Moving towards her Edward smiled friendly. He watched the birds fly past in the blue sky.

"Do you like it here so far?" his voice soft and caring.

Alphonse's brown eyes widened. His brother took a liking to her. He didn't know if it was bad or not.

"It's okay, I miss home" she replied tonelessly.

"You're like me" he giggled.

Alphonse shuddered. "Brother?"

Edward turned to Alphonse, his eyes caring and his voice kind. "Go help mum, Al"

Alphonse quickly glanced at Ruth and reluctantly left.

"Like you how?" she asked a tinge of annoyance in her voice.

Edward giggled once more. "You have been hurt…really badly. Hurt is funny in a way. It shows weakness. I learnt that the hard way. Did you?"

Ruth shrugged "I may have I may have not but I'm not willing to share that with you. No offence. I don't get along with anyone anymore"

_Such a pretty voice…so much like Allie…so much pain in her eyes…she can see it…I can see it…I wanna bring it out…I wanna….I don't wanna…but I wanna…so badly…so pretty…Ruthie…_

Edward giggled. "I don't like people they are so annoying…they don't know the pain of reality. No. They. Don't. You do though. I can see it, you can see it, Alphonse can see it, I know he can, I see it in his eyes and yours. As the quote goes The Eyes are the windows to the soul." He grinned crookedly.

Ruth sighed "My eyes may show the pain but they don't show the source of my pain and believe me its best to avoid my mentioning of the past"

Edward giggled again. "Who do you believe worse off?"

"That is difficult to answer considering I am not aware of the goings on in your past and you are not aware of mine" she said in one breath.

Edward smiled sweetly and widely. "Maybe we should share?"

_Pretty, pretty come lay next to me. One hit, two hit. You've been a bad girl. Come, come, come, come with me. Come, come, come, play with me. You've been bad, you've been nice, now come, come for your reward, come for your punishment. Pretty, pretty come lay next to me. Come lay **on** me. One hit, two hit. You've been bad. _

Ruth stared at the look on Edwards face "Share??? You want me to share??? I don't even know you! It would seem odd" finally she had some emotion in her voice; shock.

Edward grinned. "It be fun?"

Ruth frowned "Fun? Fun!? To relive hell!! What's the matter with you???"

Edward tilted his head to one side, a look innocence spread across his face. "I don't know? To much pain I suppose" He looked outside the window. Watching his mother and brother tending to the roses in the garden. There were purple ones. Edward smiled.

Ruth frowned "Tell me Edward about your pain"

End Chapter 1


	2. Chapter 2

_She want to know? Ruthie wanted to know my past...the past was a very scary place...but if she want to know...She is so pretty... _Edward smiled sweetly. "Do you really want to know? It is quite disturbing" he laughed softly. Gold eyes flickering.

Ruth thought for a minute about her own past about what had been done to her "I want to know, I'm quite sure I want to know"

_Her fault...all her fault if she gets scared...all her fault...not mine...after all she wants to know...just like Allie...but Allie is too innocent...so innocent..._

Edward smiled softly. "Okay" he took a small breath. "When I was 10 I was taken by a man. Al wasn't there...he had been very sick with the flu. The man knocked me out. When I awoke, I was in a dark basement. The pipe was broken, I knew because I could hear the sound of water hitting the ground."

Ruth didn't make any type of reaction, she didn't seem that surprised "Sounds awful" she remembered being in the safety of her own room when terrible things had happened to her.

Edward giggled. "That wasn't the worst of it...sure being locked up in starvation was bad but then he decided to get creative," he looked Ruth straight in the eye and smiled brightly. "Can you do something for me Ruth? Can you imagine all the bad things in world, all the torture techniques and everything else that goes with it and can you imagine that all happening. Every single day for two years? Can you? I can" he giggled once more.

Ruth stared blankly "I don't know what to say", she still sounded toneless.

Edward giggled. "Say nothing? Now tell me yours?"

Now Ruth had a mixture of sadness and confusion behind her eyes "my experience was somewhat different… I always knew my father loved me… I just didn't know he loved me… in a sexual way", she looked away ashamed.

Edward looked at her still smiling. "But that's the thing. Every person that does bad things are messed up and they believe that to get rid of the messy thoughts they have to act upon it. So they do...sexually"

Ruth turned around, facing him "He started when I was five then finished when I was twelve then he met my step mother. She had a sixteen year old son and he started...until I came here it was still happening..." she turned away again.

_Pretty girl has been hurt...pain will never go away...I'll make sure of that...no I won't...don't wanna...wanna._

Edward smiled and placed his left hand on her head and ruffled her hair. "Well you won't be hurt any more. I'll make sure of it!"

_Don't wanna...do wanna...Allie why did you bring her here? I was happy with just you...now someone...bad Allie..._

Ruth smiled weakly and embraced him "Thank you" tears were falling down her cheeks onto his shirt "and I will do the same for you"

_She is hugging me...stop doing it...stop...stop being like Allie...STOP!!!! _Edward grinned. "I'll be fine! I think mum made dinner so lets go eat!" he laughed kindly. _Just let me go...LET ME GO!!!_

Ruth let him go and nodded "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to grab you like that..." she bowed her head wiped all emotion from her face and walked out of the room.

Edward followed after her. Alphonse was at the end of the hall. "Hello Ruth, Brother"

_Don't Allie...stop calling me that!! Stop it!! _Edward grinned, his gold eyes sparkling with happiness. "Hi Al"

Ruth just nodded her head and brushed past, into the dinning area. She eyed the room carefully. Homes like this made her feel unsafe because of her troubled past. She hugged herself.

_So scared…so pretty_

Edward swung his left arm around her shoulders. "Lighten up, no one is going to hurt you here." Alphonse nodded beside him. Ruth twitched slightly in surprise. "I-I know" she stared wide eyed at Ed for a few moments then went back to being emotionless.

Edward giggled and sat down. Alphonse sat on his right. _So addicting Allie...why do you torment me so? Ruthie is so like you...I want you both...I don't want you both...but can I have you both...Please?_ Trisha got the dish out of the oven, smiling at Ruth. "Take a seat wherever you want dear" Ruth looked around the table breathing hard. she grabbed a chair beside Alphonse and sat by him.

Her face was pale and she sat quiet. Her eyes flicking through images of her past. "Thanks" she said in a small weak voice.

Alphonse smiled at her kindly. "Mum makes the best food you're going to love it!" Trisha began serving and once everything was served she sat down herself. "Now lets eat!"

Edward fiddled with his food, a small smile on his face. _So innocent...how I hate the innocence...can't it just disappear? How I want it to go...forever..._ Ruth ate a small amount of food. "That was nice" she almost whispered not looking anyone in the eye. She automatically placed her hands in her lap instead of resting them on the table. She glanced at Ed then looked back down at her hands.

Edward saw her glance. _What's wrong pretty girl?...why so sad? So pretty...I promised...I always keep my promises..._ He grinned at her. "Yeah. Mum's cooking is the nicest." Alphonse watched the exchange. He smiled. His brother liked someone, other than himself. Maybe he would learn to make more friends, "Yeah, the best"

Ruth smiled slightly "Um...excuse me" she got up from the table and left to the other room. she felt sick and sad. she just wanted to sit and maybe cry a little.

They watched her go. Being the perfect family. A glint shone in Edward's golden eyes.

_Be careful little girl...or you just might get hurt._


	3. Chapter 3

**Next Day**

Edward sat quietly pondering on the wooden swing in the backyard, waiting for someone to wake up. He sat quite still; not moving a muscle.

_Pretty girl…she going to wake?_

A smile graced his lips as he let out a sigh, no one had woken up.

_So alone_

He wouldn't be alone for much longer.

Inside Ruth was stirring from a long peaceful night of sleep. She sat up smiling and got dressed. She opened her bedroom door to find the house quiet and still. Everyone was still asleep. She decided to go out the back and wait, she could sit on that wooden swing she had spied earlier.

She opened the back door to find it already occupied "Ed!" A dazzling smile erupted on her face; her voice full of joy.

_Ruthie…fun_

Edward looked up, eyes slightly dull. "Morning Ruth" he smiled.

Ruth felt overjoyed. She hadn't felt like this in ages. Last night was the first night she didn't have to worry about anyone entering her room. Her dark days were over.

"Oh Ed! Today is gonna be a beautiful day" the pain in her eyes was barely visible.

Edward giggled. "Yeah cause shopping is always fun"

_So happy…so disgusting._

He smiled wider.

Ruth frowned finding that comment odd but Ed was a bit odd anyway. "Shopping? Ew I would much prefer to climb this tree. I love exploring."

Edward laughed. "You are the best!"

_So pretty._

He begun pushing himself on the swing. Backwards and forwards, slowly. "Just don't undo the rope or I don't have a swing anymore"

Ruth laughed "I wouldn't be so cruel! I'm nor like that! Besides, I'm in a dress so I can't climb the tree but I could pick your mum some flowers?"

Edward smiled. "She would like that"

He jumped high off the swing flying through the air landing on two feet near the first flower patch. "Maybe I could help?"

Again Ruth found that odd for a boy but she reminded herself that Ed was no ordinary boy. She grinned. "Excellent sounds like a plan" she picked a flower randomly. "You know, I love spring. I love the sounds of the birds and the smells of the flowers." she sniffed the flowers smiling. "Nature was my escape when I was still at home."

Edward grinned back. "Music is mine. I play a good violin and guitar…nature and music are both so peaceful."

Ruth's eyes sparked adoringly. They were so similar. "I can play piano"

"Maybe we could do a piece together?" he blushed slightly.

A bright smile appeared on Ruth's face. "Yes that would be awesome!" she stared at him still smiling. "I have a feeling we are gonna be the best of friends."

Edward grinned. "Yeah" he swung his left arm around her shoulders "Now lets pick those flowers."

Ruth blushed as her eyes shone with admiration and love? "Okay"

They picked various flowers in silence for awhile Edward smiled. "I think this should be enough"

Ruth put her flowers with his, "Yeah it should be" she fiddled with one. "If there is anything you want to know about me you can ask"

"Maybe your favourites or hobbies?" Edward giggled.

She thought for a moment. "I like to draw and read. My favourite animal is a bird because they can fly free and I'm afraid of the dark, you?"

Edward led her to the swing and sat down smiling at her. "I love alchemy and reading. My favourite animal is a cat but don't tell Al. I despise anything sharp, basements and small spaces" he giggled slightly.

_So happy…pathetic._

Ruth half smiled. "Alchemy? Fascinating" she had no idea what that was but she continued anyway. "Well my favourite colour is blue and I also like to write poems." she reached out and grabbed his hand gently. "I used to cut myself just to watch the blood. I used to enjoy the pain it gave. Of course I don't anymore, but I tell you this because we are similar and you understand."

Edward smiled. "Yeah," he squeezed her hand then he giggled. "I do understand having the same thrill but instead of blood it was more just watching myself go blue."

_Hand…so soft…_

Ruth half smiled blushing. "I like you Ed. I trust you with my life."

Edward smiled looking into her eyes. "Same here"

Her blush deepened and she squeezed his hand tighter. "Thankyou, you are truly a good person Ed."

Edward giggled. "You're welcome!"

Ruth smiled brightly. "Well I guess we should get these flowers to your mum. I really enjoy our conversations. You make me feel safe."

Edward grinned. "Yeah, lets go mum should be up by now." he grinned wider. "I'm glad"

_So glad…want to hurt….wanna…don't wanna…so innocent but not…_

Ruth and Edward walked in holding flowers. Ruth handed them to Trisha. She seemed pleased and joyed with them. After a while Ruth stood politely.

"I'm going to go to my room now. I just want to sit for a bit…"

Trisha smiled. "Okay dear."

Ruth smiled again and left.

_Don't be in there too long Ruthie…Where is Allie? I miss him_

As Ruth walked along the hall to her room. Alphonse crashed into her.

"Oh I'm sorry!" apologized Alphonse. Ruth giggled. "That's okay Al"

She stood up properly. "Want to come and see some of my drawings?"

Alphonse smiled kindly. "You draw? I would love to see some"

Ruth showed her teeth; grinning broadly. "Okay come on I have a special folder full."

She lead Al into her room. Alphonse grinned. "Do you like your room?" he continued. "So where are your drawings?" his brown eyes twinkled with kindness.

Ruth giggled. "I love my new room." she rummaged through one of her suitcases and pulled out a folder. "Here," she handed it to Al "I draw birds mostly."

Al flicked through the folder. "Wow! These are really good, beautiful even!" he smiled.

Gold eyes watched flashing dangerously sparked with violent jealousy.

Ruth blushed and smiled happily. "Thankyou"

Al smiled back. "You're welcome," he shuffled his feet. "Can I give you a hug?" his voice was soft and kind. He was smiling shyly. Ruth's cheeks went red. "Sure."

Alphonse smiled and hugged her gently. Ruth did so right back. Edward watched with a vicious anger.

_Bad Allie! Don't touch her. BAD ALLIE!! Gonna have to punish._

His eyes flashed brightly.


End file.
